Get depressed all you over 45's. The latest news on fat is that if you are over 45 even if you are eating exactly the same as you were eating pre-45 you WILL get fat. Yes, your metabolism slows down such that whereas before you were just fine, now you are ingesting TOO MANY CALORIES for your once slender form!! You may take this unwelcome news in one of two ways - depending on your disposition and maybe what is on the plate in front of you:
Option one: God, you know there is nothing I can do, my body and age are against me so I shall just have to bow to the inevitable and become cuddly (not fat, I could not be fat). Anyway, cuddly can be nice on a cold night.....
Option two: God, life is just so unfair. I don't eat enough to keep a bird alive. Why, why has this happened to me? Take away that piece of chocolate cake covered in cream and bring me a sliced carrot and a dog to kick. Thin is the only way and now I must follow a stringent diet just like all the celebrities.....
For those taking option two the stringent diet is two fold:
one, cut down on the carbs
two, eat five times a day - but crucially eat only the amount of food you can hold in your two cupped hands. This is all it takes to fill your stomach and YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE.
Oh, and get rid of the family pet and buy yourself a punch bag instead. Haven't you heard of the the RSPCA?
For those taking option one. You're probably lovely to hang around with as having a nice, sunny nature but please do not become a naturist (for the sake of others) and remember fat people are not just naturally jolly, they have to work at it, so prepare yourself with a good joke book and a raft of amusing stories.
Good Luck All!!! (And just remember, even the celebs get fat - look at Elizabeth Taylor, or Mariah Carey (she isn't even over 45) and what about Britney? Just don't overdo it - think of the length of surgery if you have to have any operation, all the cutting necessary, not to mention the sewing up. Be kind to doctors!)
How fascinating. But I must say that us members of the WW2 modelling club (Vyazma division) aren't concerned with inconsequential physical matters (and everyone is over 45 - well, over 65 if we're being truthful). What counts is how much you know about the autumn campaign of 1941 (including Operation Typhoon - that, of course, is crucial - yet strangely often overloked.) The fact that I am 'comfortable' (23 stone when I last looked) has not remotely affected my self image or popularity. Give up Mars bars? I would sooner give up life!
ReplyDeleteI do think people make too much of weight gain. I myself believe that people should only be judged by the beauty of their souls.....which of course can never be weighed.
ReplyDeleteSven from Sweden here. I think all fat people are disgusting. Poppy, are you fat? Who wants to get romantically involved with a 'soul'? A body is what is required - and not a fat one. I myself have a perfectly toned physique - in EVERY respect. Here in Stockholm I am campaigning to have all fat people publicly humiliated. And, ladies, rest assured that I will never stop looking after the love machine that is my own glorious physical being.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness you sound like a person to be reckoned with. Do you act by any chance or are you really a Chemistry teacher who is simply attempting in a pathetic way to gain the attention of his female pupils (yes there is one of them at my school.) I am a student studying for my GCSE's and I think such teachers need to GET REAL. If you are over 30 you have no business thinking you are a goodlooking guy.
ReplyDeleteI am an internationally known, jet set investment banker (and part time, freelance, gigolo). The only chemistry I know is how to get a passionate reaction.
ReplyDeleteOh my god. You sound like the man for me! How tall are you (I am a statuesque 6' 3") and I prefer small men.........
ReplyDelete