Just to continue my observations on the excellence of the service sector I feel that I must sing the praises of my plumber, Errol. This man is not only a brilliant plumber able to do all kinds of things from putting in new boiler to removing the most horrendous huge great birdnests lump of hair from the bathroom plug hole without a murmur of disgust. He is also a man who, in an emergency, is always prepared to rush around and sort out the problem - this was most noticeable when I, on a Sunday night, was hanging up a photograph and hammered a nail right into the centre of a foolishly placed hot water pipe. The water burst out in a thin stream right into my eye, I put my finger over the hole, but the water still flooded out under the wall paper forming a giant bubble of increasingly hot water! We had to drain the hot water system (actually this entailed just putting all the hot water taps on), turn off the mains in the street, and then rely upon our kind neighbours to bring us water to clean our teeth and fill the kettle etc. Errol then turned up first thing on Monday morning, and after a brief chuckle - he said he had heard about people hammering a nail in to a pipe but had never experienced it himself in his long career, and I had hit it dead centre, and the pipe was only half an inch wide - sorted out the problem immediately.
Still this does not make him a gentleman I hear you cry. That is true. This is how he manifested his talent as a gentleman. When he came round the other day (two days later than agreed - it was not an emergency, it was the hair blockage problem) he rang the door bell at some early hour and I was downstairs in the kitchen having got up but crucially only so far as to put on a dressing gown and make a cup of tea. Our house is made so that if you are in the kitchen you cannot get past the door and upstairs to put on some clothes without being visible from the front door (it is glass, though opaque). Knowing this, I decided I would have to be brave, and I answered the door to Errol, asked him how he was, explained the problem, led him upstairs to the bathroom to carry out his task all only clad in my dressing gown, which although not see-through is definitely only a wrap around dressing gown and I had bare feet. Anyway during all this Errol simply did not notice my attire, or lack of it. You may say that this is because I a woman of a certain age and no longer able to lay claim to the 'babe' category to which I might once have claimed to belong, but I say to you, no, it is because he is a gentleman.
I think therefore I will put Errol on my jewel scale, and I shall designate him a diamond for not only his skills as a plumber but his gentelmanliness. Rock on Errol, you have been tested and you have passed with honours........
Thursday 23 July 2009
Sunday 19 July 2009
Living with fame
Fame - we all want it, but do we know how we will deal with it when we have it? Will we go crazy, dancing about singing, 'I'm famous, I'm famous, look at me, look at me"? Or will we be more adult and simply indulge in a little bit of ear digging? Here is an example of the mature response, the 'je ne sais quois" that the dignified, the comfortable, the 'at ease with myself' person takes.....Laurence Rees, history maker, lauded by Clive James at a public event takes a name check in his stride......
Boris Johnson - isn't he a laugh?
Boris Johnson falling in a river. Listen out for the 'oh no' as he tumbles........
Wish you were there
There are sometimes times when you just wish that your feet were still these feet
That you could be there as they are there
And that then was now and where was here
You were there and there was even tomorrow, even the next day, even next week,
But not in the past and not so far away......
That you could be there as they are there
And that then was now and where was here
You were there and there was even tomorrow, even the next day, even next week,
But not in the past and not so far away......
Tuesday 7 July 2009
The signs of ageing
This is a rather distasteful subject but I feel it needs to be aired. Yes, the signs of ageing - things you would never dream of (or even probably have nightmares since it would be descending to a level of detail that would be unmemorable) - which I have decided to chronicle.
The first thing you will notice at the age of 45 is that your eyesight will start to let you down. Everyone over this seemingly innocent barrier unfailingly spends ages groping around for reading glasses, complaining that the printed word has shrunk, that the lights are dimmer and that their mobile phone text messages are ridiculously small, what can the manufacturer have been thinking about? But, my friends, it is not they who are at fault it is YOUR EYES.
The second thing you will notice is the hair that springs up or disappears from completely different places than the ones you are used to, and moreover much of it without any encouragement or warning becomes interspersed with white or grey. Yes! Women's head hair becomes thinner, men's head hair falls out or retreats on the scalp leaving peculiar bare patches, which then become dazzlingly shiny as though these unfortunates are polishing them every morning, elevenses, lunchtime, supper etc. Young people think older men are doing it on purpose but we know the truth don't we? Bald heads are naturally shiny without any help. Sorry, it is a cruel fact. As this head hair loosens its grip on the scalp new, strong, lustrous, wrongly coloured (white or grey typically, never blonde or raven black, those days are long past)hair bursts forth from places previously only modestly endowed with the stuff, for example - the nostril, the ear (mainly men),or a mole which was previously just a mole now is some sort of nursery for new vibrant growth, and of course - the eyebrows (see previous blog) - what happens there is, well, for all to see. Out of control unless you take careful heed of the progress of this unwanted development.
The third thing that afflicts the age challenged is fat distribution. Sad to relate that fat, previously held in place by a myriad of tiny muscles in the skin, finally gets the better of them and they begin to let go and 'sagging' takes place. The most notable place for this horrendous effect is naturally the stomach area which begins to descend inexorably towards the knees, followed in the case of both men and women by the breast area - generally it is true more noticeably in women, but it still happens to men. The tits of both sexes drop. Then the jowl starts to droop, giving the familiar downward curve to once luscious smiling lips and the 'old bag' expression is involuntarily adopted by again (sorry lads) men and women, no matter how cheerful they are feeling. You will look grumpy.
It is women, though, who are more affected by the next horror on my list and that is the wrinkling of the joint area. Oh tragedy of tragedies. Ladies, your knees will begin to take on the texture of a dried up prune, pulled downwards by its own inexorable weight. And your elbows. And OMG do not forget the eye lids drooping, drooping down pulled by gravity and the numerous times you have been opening and shutting (sometimes in the course of flirtation, naturally) and generally over-exercising them in the course of your blinking life.
Mysteriously, you will find skin pigment too will finally reveal the ravages of time in both men and women. Peculiar brown spots will appear in places you would rather they did not - your cheek, your nose, your forehead once uniform in colour will now be spattered with weird brown patches seemingly popping up overnight, and they may come on your hands, your decolletage. Nowhere is sacred. Veins will gradually surface, ankles that never swelled will now swell at the slightest increase in temperature, finger swelling will necessitate removal of rings you have worn for twenty odd years.
And you thought it was just wrinkles......ha! ha!
And, moreover, all this is without disease....or death..which will also become more familiar friends as your birthdays multiply.
However, cheer yourselves with this thought. Although age may have its effect on you no one, however rich, can avoid it, certainly not the Queen or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Also, we 45 pluses have lived in a world where when we were young there was no re-cycling! We could go around on motorbikes when we were 16 without helmets ruining our hairstyles! We could visit Spain and sunbathe on a beach alone except for a handful of fit looking Spanish boys, instead of two inches away from five thousand other British/Germans! We could run for an aeroplane and the guards would let you through the gate without checking your bag! We could buy houses for under £10,000! We could park anywhere we liked, virtually! We could smoke in cinemas! And crucially, we did not have to pick up our dogs poo! Oh happy world.......
Friday 3 July 2009
Sleeping positions as a character guide
Apparently two thirds of your life is spent asleep. Most of this time, I assume, is actually in a bed, rather than collapsed in front of the tv, lolling asleep in the passenger seat of the car, or during a boring lecture. If so, how significant is the position that we sleep in? Does it really reflect our personalities (yes, according to Professor Chris Idzikowski, director of the UK Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service) but how so, I query, when over your life your sleeping positions surely change? Does that mean that your personality changes? If so, does it change through just the experience of life (good and bad) or simply through the immutable passage of time?
In the light of this thought I have examined my own sleeping positions over the years with a direct comparison with my husbands and my childrens (little do they know but that is the reason why I, a mysterious, white clad figure have been hovering above them, noting their sp's). So, a totally non-scientific study, unlike the eminent Prof. Chris.
My husband likes to sleep in the 'soldier' position (look up Prof Chris) preferably with his arms raised above his head. He has always liked to sleep like this for as long as I have had the privilege of being in bed with him, and what a blight it is! Snoring! He must have invented it! Sometimes it is like waking up to Niagara Falls, other times a steam engine rushing past with a tooting whistle would be unheard against the whistling snore of my husband deeply asleep, or possibly it might be the deep heavy breathing of someone being slowly strangled. So, over the years, I have developed two strategies - one, to give him a sharp dig in the ribs (once, I am sorry to say, so sharp that I bruised him, but I was desperate m'lud) and two, to shout at him something along the lines of 'turn over you are snoring' (the words vary depending on how annoyed I am). However, as he has always slept in this position what does it signify about his character? Well, Prof Chris would say-
Soldier : Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don't like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards.
No, no, no. This does not describe my husband in the slightest (maybe the high standards but I only slip that in if he reads this).
Now, myself, recently. I always used to sleep in the Soldier position and I am quiet and reserved on occasion, but recently I have found my self adopting the Freefall position. This is quite different. It shows that my personality has changed:
Freefall: Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like criticism, or extreme situations.
Although it is true that I don't like criticism, but then I put it to the world at large - who does? And what is an extreme situation? Teetering on the edge of a cliff on a crumbling path - rational or what? But does this mean that I have changed my personality. And will I ever attain the nirvana of the Starfish?
Starfish: Lying on your back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.
Meanwhile what of my children? Well, all of them started off as Starfish, but now they have graduated to different positions, but every time I look at them they are differently positioned and there is a limit to how often a fond mother can pop in and out of bedrooms at night observing sleeping positions. So what are my conclusions? This. Take absolutely no notice of the position your loved ones take when they are asleep as a personality guide. You would do better to take note of what they say and do when they are awake, this will be more telling.
In the light of this thought I have examined my own sleeping positions over the years with a direct comparison with my husbands and my childrens (little do they know but that is the reason why I, a mysterious, white clad figure have been hovering above them, noting their sp's). So, a totally non-scientific study, unlike the eminent Prof. Chris.
My husband likes to sleep in the 'soldier' position (look up Prof Chris) preferably with his arms raised above his head. He has always liked to sleep like this for as long as I have had the privilege of being in bed with him, and what a blight it is! Snoring! He must have invented it! Sometimes it is like waking up to Niagara Falls, other times a steam engine rushing past with a tooting whistle would be unheard against the whistling snore of my husband deeply asleep, or possibly it might be the deep heavy breathing of someone being slowly strangled. So, over the years, I have developed two strategies - one, to give him a sharp dig in the ribs (once, I am sorry to say, so sharp that I bruised him, but I was desperate m'lud) and two, to shout at him something along the lines of 'turn over you are snoring' (the words vary depending on how annoyed I am). However, as he has always slept in this position what does it signify about his character? Well, Prof Chris would say-
Soldier : Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don't like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards.
No, no, no. This does not describe my husband in the slightest (maybe the high standards but I only slip that in if he reads this).
Now, myself, recently. I always used to sleep in the Soldier position and I am quiet and reserved on occasion, but recently I have found my self adopting the Freefall position. This is quite different. It shows that my personality has changed:
Freefall: Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like criticism, or extreme situations.
Although it is true that I don't like criticism, but then I put it to the world at large - who does? And what is an extreme situation? Teetering on the edge of a cliff on a crumbling path - rational or what? But does this mean that I have changed my personality. And will I ever attain the nirvana of the Starfish?
Starfish: Lying on your back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.
Meanwhile what of my children? Well, all of them started off as Starfish, but now they have graduated to different positions, but every time I look at them they are differently positioned and there is a limit to how often a fond mother can pop in and out of bedrooms at night observing sleeping positions. So what are my conclusions? This. Take absolutely no notice of the position your loved ones take when they are asleep as a personality guide. You would do better to take note of what they say and do when they are awake, this will be more telling.
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