Sunday, 28 June 2009
Boy behaving badly in the bluebells
Well he is a naughty boy. But who is that nasal voiced bossy woman? Why is she apparently in charge? How come despite apparently being in charge she has no authority? What has the world come to when a boy tramples bluebells?
Thursday, 25 June 2009
We need our humour
I have just been to a gallery of modern art. The art was rivalled by the blurb, causing me to ask, who was this unnamed wordsmith who created a new form of obfuscation for us ordinary housewives to copy down in our diaries and laugh at later?
Here was one.
The art work was large scale, often black-on-black silk screened paintings using the words of Sol le Witt. They are entitled Black Dada.
This is what this hero of the English language penned:
Adam Pendleton in a conceptual, multi-disciplinary practice, shifts language, forms and images into an arena of artistic inquiry where cultural-political meanings - what is heritage, what is history, what is self-fashioned - are isolated and drawn into conversations.
This artist works to create a re-historicised present, one that upsets and unbalances comfortably subjective interpretations of history and culture.
In a room off Adam's great works you could see the work of Ergin Cavusogli, a Bulgarian artist, whose medium in this instance was the video. One was of a house on the outskirts of a town with mountains in the background and the sun slowing revealing itself on a somewhat murky day; a rather plump woman emerged onto the balcony, looked as though she was throwing up, and then went indoors again. More might have happened but my attention was drawn to the other video which was of a road and a train track at night. Occasionally a train or a car went past and the sound was tremendous (there was surround sound) just as though you were standing there. What an experience. I should say that I believe the road and rail were in America! So real you could have been there! Well, it was real!
Sadly, our wordsmith had lost his verve by now, worn out on Adam P so the words here were less striking and besides I was deafened by the train so I was unable to note them.
But what I say is give me more. More works and crucially more words juxtaposed to extract the full potential hilarity of this art. Well done boys!
Here was one.
The art work was large scale, often black-on-black silk screened paintings using the words of Sol le Witt. They are entitled Black Dada.
This is what this hero of the English language penned:
Adam Pendleton in a conceptual, multi-disciplinary practice, shifts language, forms and images into an arena of artistic inquiry where cultural-political meanings - what is heritage, what is history, what is self-fashioned - are isolated and drawn into conversations.
This artist works to create a re-historicised present, one that upsets and unbalances comfortably subjective interpretations of history and culture.
In a room off Adam's great works you could see the work of Ergin Cavusogli, a Bulgarian artist, whose medium in this instance was the video. One was of a house on the outskirts of a town with mountains in the background and the sun slowing revealing itself on a somewhat murky day; a rather plump woman emerged onto the balcony, looked as though she was throwing up, and then went indoors again. More might have happened but my attention was drawn to the other video which was of a road and a train track at night. Occasionally a train or a car went past and the sound was tremendous (there was surround sound) just as though you were standing there. What an experience. I should say that I believe the road and rail were in America! So real you could have been there! Well, it was real!
Sadly, our wordsmith had lost his verve by now, worn out on Adam P so the words here were less striking and besides I was deafened by the train so I was unable to note them.
But what I say is give me more. More works and crucially more words juxtaposed to extract the full potential hilarity of this art. Well done boys!
Monday, 22 June 2009
Love or hate? Do these two women have a relationship or is it just a random act of violence? Can we interpret from their facial expressions whether this is the truth we are seeing, the subconcious enacting the true feelings of the women, or is it simply a laugh? Who are they? Should we have this level of violence (if it is violence) available on our computers for anyone to see? Which woman do you think is the victim? The one retaliating with the hand around the throat of the other - pushed to an extreme of what? retribution? revenge? - or the other whose throat actually is being squeezed? Did she deserve it? Should someone alert the authorities?
Saturday, 20 June 2009
How to be a best friend
I came across this amazing quiz and thought I would publish it as I think everyone could benefit from seeing if they are a true 'best friend'. Don't be afraid to measure yourself - everyone can learn from just a little honesty with themselves. (PS if you don't know who Robert Pattinson is just look in the Eyebrows piece written in May). ManyAslip
How to be a best friend.
Do you understand the dynamics of a friendship? Are you ready to be introduced as the ‘best friend’? Why do you need a best friend? Find out in How to be a best friend.
In this book, you will discover the do’s and don’ts of becoming a successful best friend. This is something that everyone aspires to be but not many people achieve, as it requires exceptional qualities that you may not have been born with. But, this book will tell you how to acquire these qualities and become the best friend that you know you can be.
Firstly, some useful quotes to illustrate the importance of best friends:
“I believe that the most important thing in a friend is loyalty. I have been let down in the past.” ~ Paris Hilton
“Friends are kisses blown to us by angels” ~ Anonymous
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it is a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~ Emily Kimbrough
“If you have one true friend, you have more than your share.” ~ Thomas Fuller
“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.” ~ Anonymous
The following sections give you a taster for the detailed content of this essential book. Topics will be covered such as:
What is a best friend?
Nowadays, people take for granted the importance of having a best friend. It is taken as something that you do not need unless you are twelve years old. In a recent poll 62% of men in the UK said that their wives were their best friends. Here at Pomegranate Books we think that this is frankly rather sad. And what of these poor women – are they trapped with their husbands as their best friends? This should not be allowed to happen and clearly the skill of being a best friend is being lost in the helter-skelter of everyday living.
Following an emergency meeting we decided that although many people claim to have best-friends, they may not really know what that means, which is why this skill is so easily lost in later years. Our aim is to re-introduce these skills and train up a generation of women who truly know how to be a best friend.
Here is a list of some of the sacrifices or favors that you will have to make your best friend:
A best friend:
~ Always, always waits for her friend for lunch, for going home, for going anywhere/doing anything, in fact.
~ Never wants to stay at a party when the friend is not enjoying herself.
~ Never, ever criticizes her friend.
~ Never snitches on her friend.
~ Never deliberately tries to look nicer than her friend.
~ Always stands up for her best friend.
What do you have to do to be a best friend?
Step 1: Pick your friend – remember not to judge people on their looks, for example you shouldn’t pick someone solely for the purpose of them making you look good.
Step 2: Make sure that you share the same common interests (you don’t want any awkward silences!). Interests can include: animals, make-up, the cinema, bike riding, skiing and other wholesome activities.
Step 3: Abide by the list shown above, you don’t want to upset your best friend.
Step 4: Once you have selected someone you have to be prepared to:
~ Support them in whatever circumstances eg when her mum asks what mark you got in a test, never admit to getting anything higher than your friend –‘ I can’t remember’ is an acceptable response.
~ Never be embarrassed by their weirdness in public eg if they laugh uproariously always laugh as well, whether you think it is funny or not
~ Be prepared to spend time making them look nice even though you feel your appearance needs more time spent on it.
~ Never ever get involved with any of their family, they are always your priority e.g when left downstairs whilst she goes up to get her bag say nothing to her older brother when he passes by. You may however, stroke her dog.
Now, just to test how naturally good you are at being a best friend, take our fun quiz! Cover up the scores before you answer but take a note of which letter your answer has.
Are you a good best friend?
1. You are at a party having a great time; you are dancing and meeting people who seem really fun and exciting. Though, suddenly your best friend appears beside you with your coat, and says, ‘I have to leave those people over there are laughing at me, I have never been so miserable in my life’. Do you:
A Laugh and tell her to get a grip, you are enjoying yourself.
B Smile sympathetically and say they are not laughing at her, and introduce her to your fun new friends.
C Go up to the people who are laughing and give them a piece of your mind, take your coat, go home with your friend and watch Hollyoaks instead.
2.You are invited to Poppy’s Birthday Bash but your friend isn’t. Do you:
A Tell your friend that she has not been invited and therefore you will not be going either.
B Tell your friend that it is really unfair that she is not invited but you have to go because your mum is a friend of Poppy’s mum.
C Pretend to your friend you are staying in that night and secretly sneak out.
3. Your best friend has just been given £200 by her grandmother and wants to go to Abercrombie and Fitch to spend it all. You have no money but you have wanted to go and shop there for a long time. Do you:
A Tell her to go on her own – you cannot bear to see all the fabulous stuff she is going to buy.
B Tell her that you are happy to go with her but apologize in advance as you may get a bit sulky as you have no money yourself.
C Go on and on about how unfair it is that your granny is dead and you have no money and all your clothes are rubbish.
4. You are both running in a 2 mile race for charity but your friend is a very slow runner and starts lagging behind, saying she cannot breathe properly. If you come in with the first ten you will get to meet Robert Pattinson. You are currently in twelfth position, you are sure you can pick up speed. Do you:
A Just run as fast as you can, pretending you haven’t noticed she is behind you and gasping for breath.
B Grab her arm and try to get her to go a bit faster, encouraging her by telling her that you are almost there.
C Stop beside her, tell her to breath deeply and try and find a glass of water, giving up all hope of coming within the first ten.
Score yourself on how many A's,B's and C's you have.
Question 1: A = 1 point B = 2 points C= 5 points
Question 2: A = 5 points B = 2 points C = 1 points
Question 3: A = 2 points B = 5 points C = 1 point
Question 4: A = 1 point B = 2 points C = 5 points
Friend-o-meter:
4 – 6 Points – ‘Best friend’
You call yourself a best friend but are you really? Your attitude toward your best pal must improve or else you will end up with no friends at all. Nobody is saying that you have to sacrifice everything for your friend, but now and again it would be kind to respect her. She has feelings as well, you know.
7 – 14 Points – Typical Pal
You give a lot to your friend, and you are very kind to her. Though, some of the things you are doing are merely selfish and could be kinder. You are a good friend, but have not yet earnt the right to be that best friend… yet.
15 – 20 Points – Angel Friend
Wow! You are incredibly kind and look after your best friend more than yourself! Congratulations on being the ultimate best friend, though, you should look out for yourself a little more, it’s about you to!
How to be a best friend.
Do you understand the dynamics of a friendship? Are you ready to be introduced as the ‘best friend’? Why do you need a best friend? Find out in How to be a best friend.
In this book, you will discover the do’s and don’ts of becoming a successful best friend. This is something that everyone aspires to be but not many people achieve, as it requires exceptional qualities that you may not have been born with. But, this book will tell you how to acquire these qualities and become the best friend that you know you can be.
Firstly, some useful quotes to illustrate the importance of best friends:
“I believe that the most important thing in a friend is loyalty. I have been let down in the past.” ~ Paris Hilton
“Friends are kisses blown to us by angels” ~ Anonymous
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it is a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~ Emily Kimbrough
“If you have one true friend, you have more than your share.” ~ Thomas Fuller
“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.” ~ Anonymous
The following sections give you a taster for the detailed content of this essential book. Topics will be covered such as:
What is a best friend?
Nowadays, people take for granted the importance of having a best friend. It is taken as something that you do not need unless you are twelve years old. In a recent poll 62% of men in the UK said that their wives were their best friends. Here at Pomegranate Books we think that this is frankly rather sad. And what of these poor women – are they trapped with their husbands as their best friends? This should not be allowed to happen and clearly the skill of being a best friend is being lost in the helter-skelter of everyday living.
Following an emergency meeting we decided that although many people claim to have best-friends, they may not really know what that means, which is why this skill is so easily lost in later years. Our aim is to re-introduce these skills and train up a generation of women who truly know how to be a best friend.
Here is a list of some of the sacrifices or favors that you will have to make your best friend:
A best friend:
~ Always, always waits for her friend for lunch, for going home, for going anywhere/doing anything, in fact.
~ Never wants to stay at a party when the friend is not enjoying herself.
~ Never, ever criticizes her friend.
~ Never snitches on her friend.
~ Never deliberately tries to look nicer than her friend.
~ Always stands up for her best friend.
What do you have to do to be a best friend?
Step 1: Pick your friend – remember not to judge people on their looks, for example you shouldn’t pick someone solely for the purpose of them making you look good.
Step 2: Make sure that you share the same common interests (you don’t want any awkward silences!). Interests can include: animals, make-up, the cinema, bike riding, skiing and other wholesome activities.
Step 3: Abide by the list shown above, you don’t want to upset your best friend.
Step 4: Once you have selected someone you have to be prepared to:
~ Support them in whatever circumstances eg when her mum asks what mark you got in a test, never admit to getting anything higher than your friend –‘ I can’t remember’ is an acceptable response.
~ Never be embarrassed by their weirdness in public eg if they laugh uproariously always laugh as well, whether you think it is funny or not
~ Be prepared to spend time making them look nice even though you feel your appearance needs more time spent on it.
~ Never ever get involved with any of their family, they are always your priority e.g when left downstairs whilst she goes up to get her bag say nothing to her older brother when he passes by. You may however, stroke her dog.
Now, just to test how naturally good you are at being a best friend, take our fun quiz! Cover up the scores before you answer but take a note of which letter your answer has.
Are you a good best friend?
1. You are at a party having a great time; you are dancing and meeting people who seem really fun and exciting. Though, suddenly your best friend appears beside you with your coat, and says, ‘I have to leave those people over there are laughing at me, I have never been so miserable in my life’. Do you:
A Laugh and tell her to get a grip, you are enjoying yourself.
B Smile sympathetically and say they are not laughing at her, and introduce her to your fun new friends.
C Go up to the people who are laughing and give them a piece of your mind, take your coat, go home with your friend and watch Hollyoaks instead.
2.You are invited to Poppy’s Birthday Bash but your friend isn’t. Do you:
A Tell your friend that she has not been invited and therefore you will not be going either.
B Tell your friend that it is really unfair that she is not invited but you have to go because your mum is a friend of Poppy’s mum.
C Pretend to your friend you are staying in that night and secretly sneak out.
3. Your best friend has just been given £200 by her grandmother and wants to go to Abercrombie and Fitch to spend it all. You have no money but you have wanted to go and shop there for a long time. Do you:
A Tell her to go on her own – you cannot bear to see all the fabulous stuff she is going to buy.
B Tell her that you are happy to go with her but apologize in advance as you may get a bit sulky as you have no money yourself.
C Go on and on about how unfair it is that your granny is dead and you have no money and all your clothes are rubbish.
4. You are both running in a 2 mile race for charity but your friend is a very slow runner and starts lagging behind, saying she cannot breathe properly. If you come in with the first ten you will get to meet Robert Pattinson. You are currently in twelfth position, you are sure you can pick up speed. Do you:
A Just run as fast as you can, pretending you haven’t noticed she is behind you and gasping for breath.
B Grab her arm and try to get her to go a bit faster, encouraging her by telling her that you are almost there.
C Stop beside her, tell her to breath deeply and try and find a glass of water, giving up all hope of coming within the first ten.
Score yourself on how many A's,B's and C's you have.
Question 1: A = 1 point B = 2 points C= 5 points
Question 2: A = 5 points B = 2 points C = 1 points
Question 3: A = 2 points B = 5 points C = 1 point
Question 4: A = 1 point B = 2 points C = 5 points
Friend-o-meter:
4 – 6 Points – ‘Best friend’
You call yourself a best friend but are you really? Your attitude toward your best pal must improve or else you will end up with no friends at all. Nobody is saying that you have to sacrifice everything for your friend, but now and again it would be kind to respect her. She has feelings as well, you know.
7 – 14 Points – Typical Pal
You give a lot to your friend, and you are very kind to her. Though, some of the things you are doing are merely selfish and could be kinder. You are a good friend, but have not yet earnt the right to be that best friend… yet.
15 – 20 Points – Angel Friend
Wow! You are incredibly kind and look after your best friend more than yourself! Congratulations on being the ultimate best friend, though, you should look out for yourself a little more, it’s about you to!
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Tantric buddhism - is it for me? The other day I was in the Victoria and Albert Museum having just received some upsetting news. In order to retain my equilibrium I found myself concentrating hard on a small exhibition of buddha's in which the words Tantric immediately caught my eye. Of course, whilst not wishing to be vulgar we all know why - Sting and his Tantric sex which went on for hours - so I read the blurb and I have to say I began to understand why he had been so attracted to it....................
Yes, it was not all about the sex, or should I say no! it was not all about the sex. Far from it. What Sting is looking for is enlightenment in this life, and this in only attainable through this kind of Buddhism (as I understand it). The sex bit comes in because it is necessary for this to occur through the union of transcendental wisdom (represented by the female) and active compassion (represented by the male). Odd, clearly. I mean the wisdom I can see, the active compassion and male representation I struggle with but now obviously I understand why Sting zips around the world befriending rainforest Indians and so on. He is demonstrating his qualifications for active compassion. Amongst monks and nuns who are celibate apparently this union can be achieved without the sex, but obviously if you are a top, fit, dynamic pop star sex is essential and must be a core part of any life changing religion.
Tantric buddhism furthermore combines meditative techniques such as visualisation and breath control with elaborate esoteric (that's esoteric not erotic) rituals which can make enlightenment possible.
I learned all this from a single informative board and immediately thought, this could be for me!
I already have the transcendental wisdom, all I need to do is achieve union with active compassion and I am well away. It was at this point I decided to create this blog and tell the world to get on with it! Attain enlightenment in a single life time! Control your breathing! Concentrate on a tiny point of white light! It can be done.
Then. alas, I came home and looked on the Internet (for help with more meditative skills) and sadly I found that it is much more complicated than that single board had given me to think. Oh yes, you need training, you need dietary changes, you need commitment, and I am not sure but you may need to cut your hair! I am sure eyebrows would need to be addressed too. So with a heavy heart I realised that there is no easy path to enlightenment and with my busy schedule of writing this blog, commenting on other blogs, working in the bookshop and running a hectic social life for my friends (to which I occasionally invite myself) there would be no time. My transcendental wisdom would simply have to do. Maybe in my next life time I will do better.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Eric Cantona - don't you just love him?
Eric Cantona interview in thelondonnews.
There's something about Eric Cantona that makes me feel that he and I would strike up a wonderful friendship - if only he offered some sort of domestic service.....I'm thinking along the lines of pest control, or possibly plumbing, (although I have people for these tasks) possibly a gardener. In fact that would be good since our garden is so small and the grass fake so he would have plenty of time to weave a magic world with his words. I shall copy out some of his interview just to illustrate my point:
What's tougher: football or acting?
I think it's difficult working in both passions. [Passions - don't you just go crazy for him? ]
Are you surprised that there is so much love for you, even though you retired 12 years ago?
Yes I am surprised - and I liked to be surprised.[Oh the fun you could have with that admission]. I want to be surprised again and again [Fabulous creature]. When I feel this love, I am emotional [Just like me Eric, just like me]
Why did you quit football when you were at the top of your game?
I lost the passion. Sometimes you are in love with somebody and then one day, you're not. It's like a love story. [Possibly not so good, what would happen to my garden if he just walked out one day?]
The passion - is it like a drug?
It's a drug. It's a real drug. [But, oh joy, he is paid for it not vice versa] That's why it's so difficult when you retire from football. Physiologically, you miss something. You miss the drug.
Do you miss football?
No. [What a scream!]
You sitll have connections to the sport, though
Not really. Because when I retired, I didn't want to watch the game for two years because it was like a love story that breaks. I wanted to focus on something else. It's easier. You can't stay in your past [So not just a clown. A wise, wise clown - and gardener, possibly]
When you retired, you said you'd paint and make movies. Do you paint?
I said that? I paint my house [Ahh so decorator rather than gardener perhaps?].
There's something about Eric Cantona that makes me feel that he and I would strike up a wonderful friendship - if only he offered some sort of domestic service.....I'm thinking along the lines of pest control, or possibly plumbing, (although I have people for these tasks) possibly a gardener. In fact that would be good since our garden is so small and the grass fake so he would have plenty of time to weave a magic world with his words. I shall copy out some of his interview just to illustrate my point:
What's tougher: football or acting?
I think it's difficult working in both passions. [Passions - don't you just go crazy for him? ]
Are you surprised that there is so much love for you, even though you retired 12 years ago?
Yes I am surprised - and I liked to be surprised.[Oh the fun you could have with that admission]. I want to be surprised again and again [Fabulous creature]. When I feel this love, I am emotional [Just like me Eric, just like me]
Why did you quit football when you were at the top of your game?
I lost the passion. Sometimes you are in love with somebody and then one day, you're not. It's like a love story. [Possibly not so good, what would happen to my garden if he just walked out one day?]
The passion - is it like a drug?
It's a drug. It's a real drug. [But, oh joy, he is paid for it not vice versa] That's why it's so difficult when you retire from football. Physiologically, you miss something. You miss the drug.
Do you miss football?
No. [What a scream!]
You sitll have connections to the sport, though
Not really. Because when I retired, I didn't want to watch the game for two years because it was like a love story that breaks. I wanted to focus on something else. It's easier. You can't stay in your past [So not just a clown. A wise, wise clown - and gardener, possibly]
When you retired, you said you'd paint and make movies. Do you paint?
I said that? I paint my house [Ahh so decorator rather than gardener perhaps?].
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
The gift of flight
Ah, the gift of flight. Is it only available to the very young in the sitting room? What quality is it that we oldies lose which means we cannot do this? Or is it simply weight gain? And is that in the flesh or in experience? Or is it both? If this were a picture of me three foot above the ground would you feel the surge of freedom these photos give you or would you simply feel alarm for what would happen to my body when it hit the ground?
The joy of youth
The gift of flight
The damned hard process of growing old......no, no this poem is not working! Other people may try where I have failed.
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Haiku: what is the format?
This is serious. Moved as I have been to write poems on my blog, I have now decided to publish a few as yet unpublished Haiku. Yes, I think the world is ready. But are we ready? All of my poetry group seem to think that Haiku's have a different number of beats. Who is right, and who is wrong, and who cares? Your comments please...
Birds twitter loudly
Waking people from their sleep
Fluttering their wings
(Benedict - unauthorised)
Waves leap in the air
Sea breeze scoops up golden sand
A day at the beach
(Benedict - unauthorised)
Your lips are petals
Eyelids silk
My heart beats faster
(Manyaslip - unauthorised)
Your china blue eyes
Like shards of sky
Gaze into mine
(Poppy Simmons - unauthorised)
Sliding my arm around your neck
Folding my body into yours
That kiss……
(Belinda Bowen. Authorised)
You laugh when I kiss your neck
Just one of the things
I love about you
(Belinda Bowen - unauthorised)
When I touch your smooth skin
The world revolves
At a different speed.
(Poppy Gillespie. Just brilliant)
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Mirror image
Note the way the yellow flowers divide the two spiritual presences. could they be related? Or is this some sort of timeline or dimension shift we are privileged to see for one brief moment? Your call Guy.
He did it once, who would have thought he could do it again!
Well, you thought you had seen him being hilarious once, who would have thought he would be able to do it again? But he has! He did! And in fact in this clip he was doing it before the other hilarious one! I mean, it is hilarious! And obviously completely spontaneous (well, this time....).
I feel a poem coming on.
Amusing family
How fun it is to laugh
Amusing brother
What a hoot you are
Without your hilarity
We would not be laughing
Without your joking
We would not be having fun
Amusing brother
What a hoot you are!
I feel a poem coming on.
Amusing family
How fun it is to laugh
Amusing brother
What a hoot you are
Without your hilarity
We would not be laughing
Without your joking
We would not be having fun
Amusing brother
What a hoot you are!
Friday, 12 June 2009
Two people without the right body.....
Look closely at this and you will see that only one person has the right body.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
the hall floor/never more
So, today was the last day
The last day was today
The house is empty
Thank you Mick
The sheds are swept bare
Thank you Geoff
The house is clean
Clean is the house
Adieu 240
240 farewell
another family will grace your halls and slumber in your bedrooms.......
Welcome Howlands ~ begin your dynasty.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Richard - hair cutter or raconteur?
For those who are plagued by foxes however, I would suggest giant mothballs - I have tried them myself and it is possible that they work. Or rush outside the moment they have made their pong and wash it away with strong smelling detergent (a smell which is, I think, more forgiving than fermented male urine).
Secondly, that cows (ok, not vermin but still annoying animals who get in your way) cannot walk backwards.
Apart from these two fascinating facts I learned that if you have a horrible disease where the gungy stuff that makes your lungs elastic gets infected so they are no longer elastic, you will be saved by someone plunging a knife into your lungs! The amazing thing about this is is that this happened to Richard when he was 20 (apparently he has the scars to prove it, but he didn't show me and to be honest I did want him to concentrate on my hair so I wasn't too bothered) and yet Camilla and I had witnessed the exact same procedure in the last episode of Robin Hood! And we had pooh poohed it as being ridiculous and yet just two days later Richard proved that it was a verifiable medical procedure. Coincidence, or what?
I wouldn't go so far as to place Richard on the jewel scale amongst hairdressers but he has done my hair nicely and was very amusing about the foxes and riveting about his personal health, so the hour in his company passed easily. Good old Richard.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
No Pestering
Today Dave the mouseman visited my house. Yes, when we came back the other day I smelt a distinctive odour and on looking under the kitchen units what should I find but mouse droppings! It was but the work of a moment to ring Dave of 'No Pestering' and get him to come round and give his expert help and advice. This man is a jewel amongst pest control experts as he is extremely jolly and only lives round the corner so can come at virtually any time of day or night in response to the cry of a distressed victim of pests (only mice, rats, squirrels and cockroaches - he doesn't like anything bigger, or anything that can fight back).
He is also a sensitive soul who not only parks his unmarked van on a different street on a meter (rather than asking for an expensive visitors permit) but sometimes feels sorry for these hideous creatures. Indeed he revealed to me that sometimes when a person calls him over to control the vermin and silently but proudly hands over a jam jar with said vermin hopping up and down for Dave to remove and kill with his bare hands (well in reality some kind of stick I imagine), Dave in fact drives out and SETS THEM FREE. This could of course simply be his way of keeping those calls coming in, but I don't think so. I think he has a heart.
Anyway, he came to our house and as always burst into laughter when I reminded him that one of the reasons we suffer from mice is that our neighbour, who is an even kinder hearted person than Dave, likes to feed her mice with nuts to stop them eating her bread rather than wipe them out through cruel pest control methods. As our house is joined to hers in their nocturnal romps they often fetch up in our kitchen but thanks to Dave's intervention they are swiftly poisoned and hopefully go back under her house to die in the comfort of their homes.
He put down masses of poison whilst I quizzed him on the worst jobs, the most intelligent vermin (rats - there was one that used to live in a restaurant. It lived upstairs and would come down at night, take just the chicken out of the bins and secrete it in a cupboard for a later feast), the most revolting (probably, in his opinion, cockroaches), the dirtiest (mice - no bladders); I found out about the annual pest control conference in Birmingham (pretty dull really, so Dave only goes infrequently if he has no work) and so on and so on. Laurence came down and drew me away saying he had wondered what the party was in the kitchen (Dave, as I said, is a jolly person with a merry laugh). Anyway whilst I was away Dave found a mouse under the fridge which had squeezed its way into a plastic poison trap. He said it had obviously been looking for a bed for the night. Ho Ho Ho.
Still now the poison is laid and it cost me £42.00 which actually is well worth the price to keep the wretched things out of my cupboards. He also gave me some advice: one, the rumour currently flying around Chiswick that feeding mice coca cola will kill them is based on no evidence, and two, those electric plugs don't work either. Finally, he told me that if I didn't want flies in my food recycling bin I must wash it continually and periodically spray it with fly killer without even a hint of criticism that I wasn't doing that already.
Such valuable advice............. he is truly, as I said, a jewel amongst pest controllers. I would recommend him to anyone.
He is also a sensitive soul who not only parks his unmarked van on a different street on a meter (rather than asking for an expensive visitors permit) but sometimes feels sorry for these hideous creatures. Indeed he revealed to me that sometimes when a person calls him over to control the vermin and silently but proudly hands over a jam jar with said vermin hopping up and down for Dave to remove and kill with his bare hands (well in reality some kind of stick I imagine), Dave in fact drives out and SETS THEM FREE. This could of course simply be his way of keeping those calls coming in, but I don't think so. I think he has a heart.
Anyway, he came to our house and as always burst into laughter when I reminded him that one of the reasons we suffer from mice is that our neighbour, who is an even kinder hearted person than Dave, likes to feed her mice with nuts to stop them eating her bread rather than wipe them out through cruel pest control methods. As our house is joined to hers in their nocturnal romps they often fetch up in our kitchen but thanks to Dave's intervention they are swiftly poisoned and hopefully go back under her house to die in the comfort of their homes.
He put down masses of poison whilst I quizzed him on the worst jobs, the most intelligent vermin (rats - there was one that used to live in a restaurant. It lived upstairs and would come down at night, take just the chicken out of the bins and secrete it in a cupboard for a later feast), the most revolting (probably, in his opinion, cockroaches), the dirtiest (mice - no bladders); I found out about the annual pest control conference in Birmingham (pretty dull really, so Dave only goes infrequently if he has no work) and so on and so on. Laurence came down and drew me away saying he had wondered what the party was in the kitchen (Dave, as I said, is a jolly person with a merry laugh). Anyway whilst I was away Dave found a mouse under the fridge which had squeezed its way into a plastic poison trap. He said it had obviously been looking for a bed for the night. Ho Ho Ho.
Still now the poison is laid and it cost me £42.00 which actually is well worth the price to keep the wretched things out of my cupboards. He also gave me some advice: one, the rumour currently flying around Chiswick that feeding mice coca cola will kill them is based on no evidence, and two, those electric plugs don't work either. Finally, he told me that if I didn't want flies in my food recycling bin I must wash it continually and periodically spray it with fly killer without even a hint of criticism that I wasn't doing that already.
Such valuable advice............. he is truly, as I said, a jewel amongst pest controllers. I would recommend him to anyone.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Guy being a laugh
This is an hilarious video of Guy being hilarious at an hilarious last party at the aged p.s house. Long may he continue to make us laugh hilariously. A film of the whole event will follow in due course.
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